Posted in Writing

Break down then build up

The hardest lesson ever to be learned
Is always the one where you learn to let go
No words of comfort when life was hard
No inquiries whether I’m alive or dead
Nothing reaching my ears
Just silence

I didn’t shed a tear after we fell out of touch
Didn’t think there would be a true reason as to why

But once you’ve been burned, you learn to pick yourself back up
When you know where you stand with others
You don’t waste your time anymore
When you see how much or in this case how little
You learn to rise
Pick yourself off the floor
When so little love was given to you in the first place
You know where you have to go now
What you need to do

Dealing with silence is ok
Cause you’ll use that to build
To rise
Never to fall for those tricks again
Learn from the lessons that are given in this life

Build those boundaries, build those castle walls taller
Surround yourself with happiness
Learn to smile after the heartache
Close off from all the fairweathered
Close off from all the naysayers

Learning to grow
Don’t waste your tears on those that won’t even ask about you
Don’t waste your time on those who only want to start drama

Reach for a place, be the better person

Every hard lesson, every heartache, every pain that you go through happens for a reason

Let it go and find your nitch in this world
Because I did and I never looked back
You can too

Posted in Writing

Sword’s Length

Staring back at the mirror
Saying again all you want to hear
My boundaries are crushed
But don’t think for a second that you can make it past my defenses just yet
I still have a katana still in my hand
I still have a fight left within me
I won’t let you take away all that I fought for

I left in the dead of the night so many years ago, and I haven’t gone back to you
I didn’t let you win me over
Just to give it all at the end
I won’t let you come into my own home
Take over me is what’s been your plan
But I don’t want to be under your thumb again

I don’t care what you say
I don’t want to hear all your lies
All your games

I don’t care if I’m never going to be what you want

I never wanted to be like everyone else anyway
I was never good enough in your eyes anyways
And I’m ok with that

You can stand there and say one thing
Then turn around and talk smack

But I won’t let you ruin their lives like you ruined mine
I won’t let you tear them down like you did to us
Use them until they don’t know what to do

Never given love unless it was benefitting you

I won’t let them grow up like that

Move on cause my katana is at your neck
Move on and forget us

Posted in Writing

Fragile Worlds

Another night of sleepwalking
Right into your arms
I’m wishing this would last
Hoping for a longer moment between you and me
You steal a glimpse into my life, but I can never see yours
You haunt my dreams
Until you’ve gotten enough from me

Your eyes see through every lie I hold
Every heart that I hide away
You find in their boxes
Stacked neatly in the corner of the room

You’ve gone past a thousand locked doors
Only to show me in the end you had every key

You rush through all my defenses until you find me hidden away
Draped against the door
Your eyes hide everything
Disturbing the fragile world I hold dear to me
Until you make it your own, only because you’re dominating it
You broke in like a thief and changed everything
I can sense you before it changes and I have no control

The only thing left to be said is, “Leave me alone. Leave me alone.”

Posted in Writing

Evolved Honeydew

I tried so hard to be the same girl
I thought she was destroyed
I thought she was lost

But she’s made of stronger material than I gave her credit for
She peeks out and I see a glimpse of her
The sunshine and the rain combined
A bit of mischief and a bit of honeydew
The times when she would wake up with the sun
Before the trauma set in
Before the nightmares took over
She used to wake up with the sun and sing to her hearts content
Always singing, always happy
Shining and bringing laughter with her

I tried so hard to let her be destroyed
Let those cruel circumstances tug her down
But she’s still pushing her way up through the grave
Reaching for my soul
Holding on and let her long hair freed
Being so much more than what I let her be
I killed her dreams
I let her go because I didn’t want to be what everyone else wanted
I thought it was time to let her die
But she evolved, and she’s still there in the background of the chatter
Wanting to be free, wanting to dance and sing like she used to
Reflected in the mirror every day I see her behind my eyes
Wanting to leave this world in flames
Tug my sensibilities down and for once take control
Begging for a chance to push through
Rip through me like a Tigress
Just for a moment, shut my eyes and let her through
My heart beats her chanting of just to let her out
Just long enough for her to stretch her legs and be able to do what she wants ……

Posted in Writing

Call Out

Facing the mirror, it’s my time to rise again
To face this world, already found my place
I prefer to build in silence
So the world can mind its own business
No one truly knows what I’m thinking
These words I write are a small glimpse into my soul

You can sit there and pick at it until the wee hours of the morning
But remember that you aren’t getting the whole story
You don’t know what I went through to get here
What I had to give up
What tears were given in exchange for this peace

I had to sit there and nitpick everything that I didn’t like
One by one I let them go
Picking myself everytime

Knowing that if we ever were to meet again
We could never go back to what use to be
I knew that’s what I had to lose in order to achieve happiness

So while my name is being dragged through the mud
Remember as you hear the rumors
What the other person is hiding in their closet and are they really that innocent?

Because no one wants me to share their secrets

Posted in Writing

Captive Prayers

She tried to put me back into that bottle
Sewed my lips closed
Made me grow out my hair
Shut my eyes because she couldn’t stand my eyes darting around looking for you
Praying that you would save me

She hated hearing your name on my lips
She slapped the tears out of me

She crackle happily as I laid there helpless

But then her face turned into a hideous grimace as she saw you climb through the window
My eyes widened, and she pushed the bottle further out of your grasp

You had to play her games in order to break me out

Your eyes teared up as you took in my long hair, my closed eyes, my sewn lips
You saw my hands were bound and tears were collecting on the glass
You agreed and I internally screamed

This wasn’t going to end well

Posted in Writing

Simple Escape

Escaping from the lights that are popping in front of us
Running from the demands from the world
Trying to find a little time to ourselves
Rising up over the gearshift
Shhh, baby is all I whisper
Trying to find the rhythm, while we’re trying to find each other

Escaping from the world
The demands

Don’t mess this thing up with the words that only cheapen this moment
Don’t try to put a label to it
Just reach out to me

Shhh, baby is all I whisper
Breaking the darkness but not the spell

Escape this world
Just let it be you and me in the darkness

Don’t let the world in
Let it just be you and me

Just you and me

Posted in Writing

Darkened Nights Wanted

We enjoyed the night, laughter echoing down this empty highway
Music blaring, eyes darting back and forth between the road and us
Playing games, flirting
Finding ourselves in the dark
Only surrounded by the night sky
Running from the time
The responsibilities

Never knowing that would be our last night

Youth is always fleeting

The next day you were gone
No word, no letter
Just ghosting into the darkness
Taking my memories with you
Never saying goodbye
Running to another town
Finding yourself
Surrounded by the night sky
Running from the time and the responsibilities

Took what you wanted
Never saying goodbye

Left to follow footsteps that you fought so hard against
Put into what you didn’t want to be
Filling those scars with lies
Filling your cup up with the socialites and the spotlight
Left with emptiness
Missing those darkened nights

Posted in Writing

Reoccuring Memories

Let’s draw lines in the sand, baby
Let’s see whose the winner

Cause we aren’t friends anymore
You betrayed my side
You chose to go on your Sith way
You thought you were in the right
What the hell were you thinking?
Did you want to be alone for your whole life?
Did you want to play the victim?

Turning away like you have nothing left to say
I’m not done with you yet
I’m going to put my hands on you
Make you turn to face me
Pull that dear jayne letter out of your back pocket
Spin you around to face me

Get you to look into my eyes
See the anger that’s flaring up
You think you can chose to go on your way
Go join up with the forces
Running away?

Did you want to play the victim?
While I’m standing here with another dear jayne letter in my hand

Spin you around and face me
Make you turn to face me
Give me your hands
Give me your eyes Sir
Face me, face my heartbreak
Spin around, boy

Posted in Writing

No Time To Waste

I could never send you my words
I could never tell you what’s in my heart

Because that letter has been crumbled over and over about a million times

I’d rather build in silence
Because there’s no point in wasting my words on you anymore
I enjoy this silence

I have nothing to brag about
I have nothing to show to the world
Because all the things I want to show
Is being shown to the people in my own world

I’ve been where I felt like I was under a microscope
Held to a high degree
Perfecting the perfect family
But all those lies came crashing down
When I tried to reach out for help

I’m tired of living lies
When its all about everyone else

I have nothing to brag about because all the things that I’m proud of
Is being shown to those around me
And I don’t feel so empty anymore
I found my nitch and I found my happiness

I’ve been where I felt I had to hide everything

Held to a degree

Now I’m flying strong and sure

I found my nitch and I found my happiness