Posted in Writing

Volatile Heart

She’s rushing everywhere

Just trying to get everything done

He stands back and watches her
Sees her struggles, her tears
He watches everything she does
Moves in the background
While she’s running this circus
He’s watching her hold on
While psychos throw their opinions at her
People that don’t even know her struggle
They don’t even know how much she blames herself for so many things
Adds more to her plate
Makes her feel worst
She listens to everyones problems
She does everything she can for so many
He moves in the background
His eyes always on her
She never sees herself like he sees her
She never understands why he loves her

But he loves her for the woman she was, she is and will be
She holds his entire world in her hands
She never uses it
She rages, cries, screams and he understands
She never trusted many people
She never let many people get close to her
She always hid behind a mask of perfection
Because that was required of her

But with him, she lets it all go
She lets her good side, bad side show
She lets him see her heart

With that, he moves in the background
He pays attention
He sees everything and with that he helps where he can
He takes some of it off of her plate

And when he sees her at her lowest, he holds her
He caresses her face, he looks at her with pride and awe

Because at his worst she was there
At his most volatile, she reached out her hand to him
She took the broken, the angry, the lashing out
She took everything and still believed in him when no one else was there

Now it’s his turn

It use to be about who hit the hardest now its about healing each other
Learning to bring out the best of each other
Never giving up on each other

This is their next stage

Posted in Writing

There’s a pain that rocks her body
As her little world crashes down
She lifts her brown eyes to me
Pleading to make it stop

She doesn’t know how to handle this big world
She feels like she’s alone in her shell
She feels this world rushing towards her and she doesn’t know what to do
She’s feeling lost while I’m going blind

She’s growing day by day and as I’m losing my sight I’m missing out on those days

She’s trying to fight her way through these muddled waters
Finding her way to herself
Me, guiding her as best as I can but sometimes even I stumble
But she thinks I’m this super hero but after the day ends I’m still a human crumbling to my demons

But together we keep going, finding our way through this life

Day by day, trying to be so much more, becoming that 2.0 version

Fight our way through all of this, guiding ourselves as best as we can
Finding that diamond in the dust

Writing our stories as we try to shine as bright as the Moon

Posted in Writing

Ended Up There, anyway

Torment me with the past
My eyes glow with pain
Distributed by your burning ways
My memory assaults me daily of that anguished kid
Lost in awkwardness
Everyone was dating, living the days in the sun
But I hid in my room, with the music blaring
Hiding from all that drama

Itching to paint, itching to let my creativity flow
Somehow find a way to please the masses
Fight against the norm
That little box they were trying so hard to stick me in
Pretty pink dresses, curled eyelashes, make up galore
It was never me

Jamming out to guitar riffs, singing at the top of my lungs, escaping the teenage flicks of the decade

Turning away from all that you wanted
To find my own way

Rolling your eyes as I ended up right where I wanted to be
Much to your disgust, go figure

Posted in Writing

Gossip Void

You’ve got your pencil poised
Ready to start the article of the century
Judging me, looking at everything that I’m putting right here

Ever been under a microscope
Put on the petridish to be inspected
Didn’t volunteer for any of this
But everything says this is for my own good
Everyone has an opinion on how I should live
Everyone is all of a sudden an expert on this life
On the thing that are involved

Why don’t you do do this, why don’t you do that

Let me say that I am not going to be one of those that follows the masses

The wagging tongues of the many, never did much for my life

The thinking you’ve got no skeletons in your closets slays me

Back up, back off, look at your own life and leave mine alone

Posted in Writing

Habitual

This life isn’t measured in moments anymore
It’s measured in hard days and easy days
There’s a tightness in my chest
Taunt muscles, anxiety riding on a wave
Prayer lost in the silence
Death decaying at our front door

Trying to breathe through the chaos

Asking for too much right now
Eyes are strained
Time schedules are running behind

All measuring in increments
Moments are lost
Assembled into a new normal
A coping mechanism
A defalut pattern
Just keep breathing and you’re doing fine
That’s the new normal

Yeah I don’t like any of this
Yeah I don’t know what’s going on either

But just keep filling your diaphram
Just keep walking
There’s nothing else we can do

This is the new normal

Posted in Writing

Stitched Together

It’s been a rough day and it just started
Everyones got something going on

Don’t know how to cope

Just taking deep breaths
Trying to stay on a schedule
Trying to understand everything going on

Its like a whirlwind is coming in
I haven’t had time to eat
I’m going crazy
Trying to keep this all together
Running on empty
I feel like my soul is falling apart
But I have to keep it together
While this world is spinning towards stupidity

Trying to keep myself held together
With bandage, duct tape and fairy dust

My eyes hurt, my brain pounds
I just want a good storm to come through
I want to scream as the thunder shakes the earth
I want to watch the lightening roll across the clouds
I want to let it all go

But for right now
I have to hold it all together
Not let it get the best of me

Keep it together

Posted in Writing

Band Together

It’s overwhelming when everyone wants something
It’s hard to function when the world is demanding
There’s no give and take

It’s overwhelming when my anxiety rises
This world doesn’t owe us anything

It’s all about hard work, trying to get past being poor
It’s all about trying your best

Fight against the injustices
Rise above what those white haired politicians are saying

This life is so much more than what is being shown on the news

Stand divided and we’ll all fall like dominoes
But band together and we can do great things

Why do we let all the petty things bring us apart
Why do we let the world be split
Like a civil war, its brother against brother, neighbor against neighbor

Whose going to stand and fight together?

Posted in Writing

Giving

Let the music of the past sweep it all away
Let the familiar melody flow through you

The nightmares won’t stop
They’re standing over me
The toxic, the death, the tension

Telling me what they want
Never listening to me as I scream

It’s always about them
It’s always about what they want

Throw the past in my face
Hold me down, render me speechless
Make me be silent as they shatter my dreams

Make me listen to their woes, make me deal with their agonies

Fix it, make it better, wanting, taking
Never giving a thought to the soul that their sucking away at
Never giving a thought to the person they’re using
Until all that’s left of me, is nothing left to give

Hold me down, render me speechless
Make me be silent as they shatter my dreams

Posted in Writing

Innocence Gone, Reputation Lost

I was blind I never saw him in the background
I never knew he was there all along

Holding me up, when I felt this world was falling down

My eyes only held yours but you were too busy with your games
You always held me at arms reach
Never giving me the time of day

But you loved how I followed you like a puppy
You thought it was fun to string me along
Give me an inch then pull it all away
You thought I was some stupid girl

Until I stopped doing it
I moved on with my life

But there was another that pulled things I never would have
She wrote you notes, called your house
Went to an extreme I never did

But you accused me, you made so many around me hate me
You made my life a living hell
Until it came clear that it was her
But I never got an apology for your wrongdoings
I never got acknowledgment for all the shit you did wrong

You held me for someone elses faults

But he was there the entire time, he picked me up
He held me close
He showed me that everyone wasn’t worth my time
He fought for me

While you played your ways
I’m so glad you did what you did
It showed me how the world could be
How cruel and heartless

Now I prepare her for what to expect
I’m protecting her from the boys like you

Posted in Writing

Inability

You won’t come to my door anymore
You sit in the dark, contemplating
Looking towards your visions
Trying to tell what the future will hold
Before you make your move
Thinking for a moment if you can just tell what’s going to happen
You’ll make it out of all of this alive

But you won’t

Because I hold the Ace of Spades

You’re so blind by your tunnel vision
You’re so lost, if you were to admit it
Then that would mean that you’re cyborg parts would fall off of you
That your bulletproof vest would rupture at impact

So you’re held together not by your heart but by your parts
Your inability to love

You’re so far away from me
I don’t think I ever had you to begin with
I don’t think I was ever what you wanted either

You held your robotic parts too close, I could never touch your heart

Your inability to love me hurt me worst then you