Posted in Writing

Black Hearts, Deviled Ways

To deal with the pain
He changes it
In his world, its frowned upon for a man to shed a tear

I curse the man that was his father, I hope he burns in hell

There’s a boy that was subjected to the crowds
Had things thrown at him ridiculed
Left to nurse his own wounds

He fought his way through this life
Some thought that he would never make it
He would chase his pain with a shot of tequila
He would watch the sunrise, his heart breaking
Seeking comfort in a new bed every night

Hiding the nightmares that plagued him
Hiding behind the wasted nights

Never telling a soul what was in his heart
Never showing his soul in fear that someone would leave it broken
Leave him behind like everyone else has in his past

He would chase his pain with a shot of Hot Damn
He would watch the sunrise, his heart breaking

Left to be damned and hurt

Posted in Writing

Loving My Destiny

I’m trying to work through all my shit
I’m tired of carrying around this lagguage

I’m tired of going back to what I was

I’m burning myself trying to be who I am
I’m losing my soul while I made you hold my heart

I wanted to make it through this book
I wanted to throw away my past
Because I don’t want to be her
I don’t want to make the same mistakes she made

I was cast away by all because all they had for me was conditional love

I was only good for them when I suited their purposes
When I had no more to give, they were done with me

I was used for what I could get everyone

I rehashed over everything
Been fighting the same fight for so long
The words are on repeat

But its you I hurt
While you stand there with your hands full, holding onto my heart

You protect it while I throw my temper at the world
Shielding it gently
Protecting it so no more scars can attach to it
This the first time I’ve seen you protect something of mine with such strength
I don’t want to acknowledge that you’ve changed
I don’t want to give you the shadow of the doubt
But you’re shielding my heart
You’re pulling me close and holding me when my world falls apart
When my eyes can’t see
You hold me close and guide me
Showing me a love story

You scare me because I’m falling for you and my brain is silent

Posted in Writing

Thankful for What Was

I have a new circle
I only let a select few get close to me

I have the ones that will help me out in a jam
The ones that will surprise me by their sweetness
That never expect anything in return and I wish I could give those friends the world for the things that they’ve done for me.

The kindness that has been shown to me makes me cry and wonder what the hell I did in a past life to get the awesome people in my life

It makes me want to be better, to try harder and to be able to return the favor, pass it forward

I feel like I’m finding myself and its thanks to the people in my life

It wasn’t an easy road
And I felt loss and sorrow for the ones that are no longer close to me
I feel sad when I think of the past
But it was worth it every minute even if I knew of the heartache
I am thankful for those that sailed through my life
Because at one point they were exactly what I wanted
The memories they helped to create made me the person I am today
And I am indebted to them

I became who I am because of the past and I wish happiness to all those that are no longer in my life

I wish the best as they continue on their journey without me and I pray they find success in their own lives and find everything that they want

As for me, I’m still finding my way and I hope to make more memories

With love, hope and a little fairy dust 😉

Posted in Writing

World Time vs My Time

Expensive suits, running on borrowed time
Expensive cars, flying on private jets
Always on the run
Never having a moment
Never being able to stop
This world is on the go, non stop

Step into my world
Filled with light
Filled with a pause

The worst that happens is the judgement
But those all can be ignored

Step into my world
Light pours in onto a blank canvas
Take a breather

There’s water gun fights
Nerf gun fights
Laughter fills the days
Painting fills the nights

There’s color everywhere
There’s time for things

No rushing
No craziness

Step into my world
Exchange the expensive suits for comfort
Exchange the expensive watch that’s on your wrist
For some slow down

Baby, come into my world
I don’t have much but what I do have
I promise you’ll love every moment
I promise you’ll finally feel like you’re living
And you’ll never want to go back

Let it go because you’re heading for a crash and burn

Don’t you feel alone in that expensive world?

Posted in Writing

Never Knew

Do you even see my paintings?

Did you know I could do that?
Did you ever know all my hobbies?
How talented I was?

I shocked myself, did you know that?
All those times you were telling me no, don’t
All those times you didn’t want me wasting money on paints and paintbrushes
Did you know any of this about me?

You thought I would be wasting my time
You thought it wasn’t worth it

But do you see now?

No, you don’t even acknowledge me
You don’t even make a comment unless its in a passing joke

She could paint stick figures better than you can paint….

That’s why I have to double check my painting against others
That’s why I don’t think I’m good at all
I’m pushing against the negativity you’ve got swirling in my head
I’m trying to see what others see but all I hear are your words

I don’t know if I should have been content with you ignoring me or take that little joke as what it is

But regardless I felt my core shake when they called me an artist

I never thought of myself as an artist of any sort
I never knew that I could held that high

You never told me ……

Posted in Writing

Fyre Expectations

Expectations

Always having to rise to what you think

What happens if I want to burn this all down

Take the last bridge that stands between us
Crumble it into the sea

I’m tired of trying to be nice
I’m tired of trying for what

You don’t see me
You don’t hear me
You’re too busy

I’m tired of trying to turn my feathers from being black
I’m tired of trying to not be the black sheep
When I know I am

I have no filter because I chose to
I have no politically correct terms to speak to you with
Because I wasn’t born to be a politician
I’m not here to tell you what you want to hear

I can’t fit into that little box you’re trying to stick me in
I can’t be what you want
I will never be what you wanted

I am so tired of rising to your expectations
I’m not here to make you happy
You need to learn to do that for yourself

If you tell me what you want from me
You’ll be met with silence
If you try to bully your way into my life
I won’t have any words to say to you
Nice or otherwise

You can’t handle me at my worst
You can’t handle me at my best

You don’t want my boundaries in place
Move onto your next victim

You don’t like my words
Don’t read them
You don’t like who I am
You don’t like how I live my life
With no filter in place because it embarrasses you
Don’t waste our time trying then

You’re better off without someone like me in your life

I set my boundaries so you can use me as an escape goat
Go ahead blame it all on me

I’ll turn around and burn that damn bridge down

Posted in Writing

Typical Drama

Close your eyes, let the air surround you
Fall into his arms

Let it all go
Become the damsel in distress
Be saved by the dashing hero
Fall into the books of fairy tales
Of believing that all your problems can be solved by a glass shoe

Believe that he loves you, that he needs you
That the songs he sings are all for you
That the lyrics are his heart crying to you

Then turn around and go to his show
See how his adoring fans, cry at his feet, screams for more
One look and you’re hooked
That simple smile that shows up on ever teen magazine
Every cover gracing with his bad ass imagery

Try to catch his attention
Try to scream louder and pray that he finally sees you

His secret girlfriend
His number 1 fan

Every cover gracing with his bad ass imagery
But does he have time for you?

Posted in Writing

Profiling a Villain

You weren’t suppose to be here
You were suppose to stand behind me
I was suppose to protect you
You twisted this story
The villain became the hero

I wasn’t meant to fall in love with you
You weren’t my type

You were broken, the bad guy
You were suppose to be someone else in my world

But you ensnared me like a spider with its prey

I chased you like a fox to a rabbit
I tried so hard to get your attentions
Until I faded into the background

But you wouldn’t let me rest in my tomb
You pulled me out, acting like a hero saving me to the audience
But you were really the villain setting your trap

We all had parts to play

You played yours too well

Until reality became mixed with fantasy

And you fell down the rabbit’s hole….

To Be Continued….Maybe

Posted in Writing

Glimpse of Speed

The ding on the notification only gives you a glimpse
When you open it up
Your heart beats a little faster
Another day
Another entry

Another glimpse into a quiet world

My eyes don’t work like yours
My mind doesn’t comprehend like yours
I have to speak these words for them to be sent to you

Different experiences
Different circumstances
A different colored sky from yours
Though we all stand on the same Earth
Different stars twinkle at me from where you are

My eyes don’t work like yours
My mind doesn’t comprehend like yours
My heart doesn’t beat like yours

But my words make emotions swirl just the same
Your eyes skim over my words
I hope I create a longing like the one I’ve got going in my soul
I hope I inspire you to write too
I hope you feel the love that I’m trying to send to you

As the stars twinkle at me from where you are
The Earth still spins
My thoughts translate to you in their own way

Posted in Writing

Price

In order to find myself I had to go through your lessons
You’re pain, your hurt, your trauma

I had to feel it all in order to live

Everything time you drop a line
Its all about you
Not once do you ask after me

Everytime you’re dealing with things I hear from your end
But never do you inquire about me
When you do, I feel like its forced

I use to live in your shadows
Now I rise my head high to absorb the sun
Shining through on my own
Riding on my own coattails

I never used your name to get me what I wanted
I never tried to get where I’m at with your influence
I never felt like this world owed me

I’ve been cast aside
I’ve been tossed aside
Until you feel like acknowledging me
But still I’m met with silence

So I’ll keep on shining and when people inquire how I’m doing

Know that complete strangers know more about me than you do