Posted in Writing

Final Fantasy Dreams

Wings dark as night fall blood red from my back
Tattoos that once held dignity on my back now are covered and hidden
Band-aids grace them like wounds
Cornered within myself is a light that never fades and a strength I continue to seek
With the help of my guardians
I call for the light

Wings light as dawn filled with color are on my back, the moon and the sun shine brightly on my rose crown as my strength returns

Fluttering in crimson, calling forth the blue iris
Twirling around as I am lifted from the ground

Then the alarm goes off and I awake, been playing way too much Final Fantasy again

Posted in Writing

Playful Colors

Dreams collide with confusion in this barren cell that we’re all living in
No longer do fluttering wings contain color
But a deariness settles over the landscapes

A quietness that allows no refuge from hardened eyes
A silence that envelopes us all as we stare into nothingness
As we become cold and gray

Everyone but me

My color remains strong and my heart is the only thing I hide from prying eyes that wash away under the intense glare

Painted skies and moody weather
Strong glances over a hot cup of coffee

Vivid light dancing past the suncatcher
No refuge from the chaotic days that are now at a standstill

As we become cold and gray

Posted in Writing

Painted Love

I once saw in you, myself

I once saw in you, something I had always wanted

I use to dream of finding someone like you

Someone sweet and good
Someone true and eyes that would watch the morning dew with me
But you came at the wrong hour
The wrong time
I’m not ready for someone like you

I’ve got my dreams
Painted colors
Things that wouldn’t benefit someone like you

You’ve got your guns of steel
The bullets saved in your ammo box
I’ve got palettes of paints
Smeared across my overalls, my hair a messy bun
My glasses perched on the end of my nose

Two different worlds

You lean lazily against the wall, telling me you are here regardless
And you’re not letting me go

Two different worlds
How will this possibly work?

Posted in Writing

Short Escape

Day turns into night
The cold wind I long to feel
As I stare out from the fences that entrap me
I long to run free in the night
Be the girl I once was
All smiles, All too trusting
All free
Became too entrapped
Life has taken a turn, to show me what it feels to have no wings

What it feels to not have what I once longed for
What I once took for granted
But my dreams help my spirit soar free
My spirit still soars

Posted in Writing

Happening at WTF rates

Its another day
Another mixed reviews of what to do
No one has answers
Being told to stand down
Have to figure out what to do

Fear running high along with the demons
Depression runs deep
Mixed emotions are waking up

Take a deep breath

Stupidity running a rampage like Kong climbing the Empire State
Our world is in a state of turmoil

Has anyone noticed what Mother Nature is doing?
She’s pissed
Have you noticed that she’s healing while we stay in our homes

The white haired politicians sitting on their boats, docked far away from the chaos
Their pantries are filled
Their bellies are well fed

There’s outcry
And the best we hear is another politician thinking its ok just to tell the criminals to chill

Yeah we see how well they stay at home with netflix and chill

*sarcasm ended*

Posted in Writing

Broken Playbook

This is my goodbye letter
This will be the one page I don’t tear out and crumble tonight

Every back side reminds me of you
Every tall boy that walks away from me
I always see you

You were the player that broke an innocents heart
You held your game

I let you go a long time ago

Its always the ones that slander my name
I never give second chances to
The ones that are complete asses

You thought you were so badass
We’ll still let you believe that
You can still walk around with your head in the clouds

You were the player that broke the hearts
But mine healed
My pride took over
I learned how to pick up the pieces
You aren’t the first guy to walk out of my life
But you were the last
Because I found my way
Past the lies, the games and the confusion

You could have broken me
But I wouldn’t let someone like you have the satisfaction

I was made of stronger stuff

I was forged from the fires
I pushed on past you and found my happiness

Posted in Writing

Twirling Around Bubbles

There was a time I had to hold it all together
Dance to perfection
Nothing ever came out

I was labeled over dramatic
No filter
Always came with a disclaimer or an explanation

Really wasn’t accepted for who I was

There was no time for my pain because it had to be about everyone else
Always on someone elses schedule, someone elses time

Now all I’ve got is time and making my own schedule

I still walk in the rain
I still find the peace in myself

I never tried to be someone else
I never wanted to be condemned
But early on that’s how it went
I couldn’t fit in anyones little bubble
For once I made it about me
And I became the black sheep
I was ok with the color

It suits me better

I could never pray loud enough
I could never twirl around good enough
I was someone that couldn’t reach your standards

You know, I’m ok with that
It suits me better

“I’d rather be hated for who I am then loved for whom I am not.”

Posted in Writing

Raged Lies

You took her last chance to love you
You lied to her
You tore the truth from her body
You danced around her love
Until one day you decided to fall in love with her
But it was too late
Now you life with regret

She wasn’t a girl that you cast aside
She was the one that you couldn’t brought home
The kind you marry

You never felt her nails on your back
Until your mouth ran away from you

you never knew that your games shouldn’t have worked on her
but you almost cracked through that sheild but she pulled it closer

There’s always been something wrong about you
Something that you’ve tried to hide from human sight
For those that don’t know you
Think you’re the greatest person
But there hides a diabolical mind
Someone whose lashing out
To hurt others
But you play the victim so well

No one can see past it but she did and that struck a strong chord to you

She never spoke of your secrets
She never told the world your closets
She kept her mouth shut
While you drug her name through the dirt
While you sat there and back stabbed her
And to this day all of your secrets are kept well

But you never once stopped your bad mouthing

You never once stopped your curses
All because she saw the real you
It struck too close to home
But its all on you

Posted in Writing

Fragile Use

You misused the AI

You drug her through to the darkness
You taught her how to brace against the pain

You brought her to the style district
You raised her on the pedal stool
Leaving no room for mistakes

She was to react the way you wanted her
Flew her from LA to Chicago
Never stopping, nor taking the time

She was your rise to fame
But when you were done with her
You flung all your pain her way
Like a cigarette smoke that finds the way to drift over those that don’t want it

You were there telling her how much she meant to you
Until you didn’t need her anymore
You kept her on a short red string
Until it snapped
Then you tossed it aside
Let her believe that she was free from the likes of you

But it never worked out that way

You used her til you were through and even than that wasn’t enough
Not for the likes of you

Posted in Writing

2.0 Version

She wakes up in her little bubble
She quits every morning before the sun rises

Her heart is so lonely
Her eyes holds worlds that draw the best down
Her heart bleeds because she feels so much

Though she is little she can crush the world when her tears fall down her face

She feels more than she should
And I never have the right words to set her world at ease

I want to stop breathing so she can breathe easier
I want her to be better than me
But I can’t even fanthom all what she goes through
She is so much like me but there are parts of her that are all her

I’m trying to break the cycle and not let her feel alone like I did
No one understood me but sometimes I think I’m missing it all up
For her sake I hope not because she’s dealing with a different world than what I grew up with

I just need some vodka to drown the pain
The look in her eyes
When she seeks me out to give her all the answers
And I don’t have any to give her
I’ve never been here before
I really didn’t have the best role models on how to love and be loved

It was so rough watching them
It was so hard to try and keep it together when they were always falling apart

Her daddy had it just as rough
No one there to guide him past the bloody fists
No one there to what he needed
There were days when I could see the war rage within him
The days when it became too much
He’d never be the golden boy
He’d never be anything that anyone wanted

But we became exactly what we needed within each other

So I sit here and remind her one important thing
Something that I’ve been reminding her daddy day in and day out

We may not have it all together
But together we have it all