Posted in Writing

Reaching Art

Throwing open the door
I was greeted to colors
Things on my palette I never knew existed

I throw myself into it never realizing that someone else sees my heart

Its black and in a barb wire
No one has reached it
Until your touch turned my ice into warmth
Blue flames intermix with mine
I feel the heat from you thaw me out

I drop my paintbrush in shock
The bruises disappear
The paint drips from my painting
As your eyes seek mine
You’re drying my imagination
As you reach around to shut my world off
My only focus is now you

Your eyes hold me still
You stop the endless chatter
You hold me close
You are another cure to my world
My paintbrushes stay in their cups
My computer stays closed
As you heal me in ways my art and my writing couldn’t
You reach into the crevices where the pain hurts me most
Trailing your healing abilities
You fix me where others couldn’t
You pull me out of my head space
Your touch fixes everything

You take the paint brush out of my hands
You put away the current canvas that I’m working on
Brings me out of the garage
Into a brightness
The sound connects and you bring me home
You bring me everything I need

Posted in Writing

My Ways

Choices, decisions

Day in and day out the only reason you call me
Is to berate me?
You’re a fool
You think I’m only here for your criticisms

I sit here and I remember a time when I needed to be content with what I had
Nothing was within my reach

I shouldn’t lift my hand to touch the stars
Because I will never be able to reach them

When I tried even afterward
Berate me
Be content with what I’m given
Never change my stars

Never try to fight for what I want
I was never meant for much
Unless I was told differently

My world was ruled by the whim of others

But I decided one day to reach out
I decided to try
I caught a falling star

I felt hope finally
I could finally be what I wanted
I started with hope
I started with freedom
I never went back
I learned what I wanted to be
I found it
Myself.

Posted in Writing

Fighting through Days

What is this feeling?

How do you cope when no one has the answers?

How do you hold on?

It’s simple.

Let me lead the way

Unclench your fists
There’s nothing that angers going to do
Except hurt those around you
Its day whatever
You’ve got to still hang on

Take a step, first get your ass out of bed
Now make that bed
Then get into the shower
Get into something fresh

While youre mind thinks that no one cares about you
Just because this world is telling us not to touch
Just close your eyes
I’m holding you
I’m seeing you
I hear you
Now get your ass going

Get dressed

There you go, phase one

Now you’ve accomplished something
Now keep this going

There’s someone out there for you
There’s someone rooting you on

Its me, Don’t let me down
Don’t disappoint me

Just keep going
There’s a world out there yet to be seen
Don’t give up yet

Get going, let’s do this

Posted in Writing

Painted Freedom

Its been awhile since I’ve let it go
Raised my leg high
Let the music flow through me
Spin around and let the beat go through me

My hips move back and forth
My hands start moving on their own
Flowing with the music

The song pours out of me
I find my voice rising
I like this feeling of being able to sing

No one to judge me
No one to frown upon my actions

Next I grab a paint brush
I stare at a blank canvas
All the words tread on my conscience

Don’t do it
You can’t

I shut my eyes, push away all the words that were told to me

I need to do this, I try to conquer over all the can’ts

I stare at this blank page and my fingers want to type

I know I shouldn’t listen to the voices in my head
I know I can do this
I know I can do all of this

but I also know if they knew what I was doing
If they saw the joy of what I’m doing

I would still get the unapproving looks
The why are you doing this

But above all I’ve wanted to paint
I’ve wanted to type
I’ve wanted to dance and sing

All the things that are considered mistakes
All the things that I shouldn’t do

I let out my creativity , differently
I was the party girl
I was the lost soul
I didn’t’ take the chances that I should have
Instead I was rebelling
I hurt myself more than I hurt them

I didn’t go after my dreams
I didn’t try
I needed to be someone that they wanted to be
What they considered successful

But that wasn’t me
That wasn’t what I wanted

Now I’m taking the chance
Its not to late for me

This life isn’t going to be filled with regrets
This life is going to be exactly what I want it to be

I will dance, sing and laugh out loud
I will paint and write to my hearts content

I will make mistakes
I will dance in the rain and live my loud and proud

I won’t let them hold me back anymore

I’m not needing to be beneficial to everyone

There are things I want to do
I will hold that paintbrush in my head and I will paint what my mind sees
the projects are running in my head
Its been too long
I need to find myself and let her run free
Unapologetic

I want to do so much with my life
And I’ve got so little time to do it all
But I will succeed
Because I was made to live, to sing, to dance, to write to paint

I want to throw my arms open and try this thing called living

I’m fighting so hard to be me
Fighting against these words you’ve instilled in me
I won’t be what you want me to be
I want to find that girl that’s clawing her way out
The one who wants to breathe in the arts

Posted in Writing

Zodiac Love

The bells ring, the past shines through her tears
The days go by so quickly

The signs change over time
Like the changing of the guard

The hearts twirl overhead
Time is nothing but a mere glimpse into a distant galaxy
The second it takes us to look up at the sky
Their time is already gone

Fated time and time again to meet
To start over
To find each other
To love each other over and over

Failure is not a part of the plan
Their love is intertwined
Their hearts find their souls
Holding on until their light dies out

They are made for each other
A string holding them togehter

Holding on until their light dies out
Holding on til the shrouds of their shadow selves come past them

Warring against the words that tell them how their story is suppose to be
Fighting against fate
Until they can make their own love story
Their own way

The hearts twirl overhead
The love shines through
Until these loves fight against their shadow selves

Posted in Writing

Doorstep Luv

My eyes are watering
Sitting here with a cigarette burning, though its not mine
I still look at it longingly
He sees my eyes and tsks at me
Like I’m some child
I go back to my typing but I have to stop ever so often because I feel his eyes on me
I can’t meet his gaze
So I just turn up the music drowning his lazy stare away as if it had a voice

One hand reaches to go around my waist and I have to close my eyes
He is my kyptonite
He keeps drawing me in as I try to concentrate on my words
He whispers how I’m his escape, like my writing is mine

I shut my eyes and inhale him like the way he inhaled in that cigarette just moments ago

Always so serious, he once told me that flowers and poetry wasn’t his idea of love
It was just a paper to tie people to each other
But now I think he’s changed

Its been years since his last cigarette
Days since his last drink
I don’t know where he’s going
But I’ll be right here next to him
On this doorstep

Posted in Writing

Crazy Rain

Tell me you feel this too
The craziness is seeping through

Bulling is the way that everyone gets what they want

But then you appear in the crowd
You’re the breath of fresh air
That brought the rain to clear the dust away

You never turned your head away
you never forgot your promises
The lines you were fed
Never took the time away from us

You never let a tear fall
Or let the pictures burn
Because you had everything saved in a fire proof box

Your eyes never watched me walk away
Your hugs never left me feeling cold

You held onto us under the umbrella
And the craziness faded away

It was you and me
Always you and me
That never said goodbye

Posted in Writing

Tempting Loneliness

Where are you?

Why are you alone?

Let me in
Tell me everything that’s been going through your day
Don’t lose yourself
Find yourself in me
I can change the pain that you feel
I understand all of you

You’re looking for a home
I want to give one to you

Open up
Don’t bottle it up
You’ve got love
You’ve got someone to save you

You don’t have to be the bad guy
Let the lights dim
Just come back to the one that I know you can be

You can have it all

Just let love in

Posted in Writing

Petals Tragedy

Tragedy is a rose losing its petals
Losing your way during this time
Finding your tears in the moment that will define you and her

Losing your wings
Dancing to the music
Your arms holds her
She’s bringing you closer to the living

Memories are made and never forgotten even after our corpses are cold

Loving you will be ingrained in her heart until the days turn into nights
And even long after that

Let the music play and laugh at each other
Find the love that keeps you going

Loving each other other will  never stop

So losing your wings won’t take it away

Let the music play and laugh at each other
Find the love that keeps you going

Posted in Writing

Burnt Charcoal Ways

My bags were all packed
My truck ready to go
One last good bye and I was on my way
I went home that same day and was greeted by two familiar faces;
The only two people who knew I was coming back
The only two people who really cared
They gave me the love I wanted
They gave me the caring ways that I was missing

I was always missing someone else
I was always wanting someone else
But he could never be reached

His charcoal suits were pressed and ready
He was always on the go
His gun packed under his jacket
His eyes always on the horizon

He knew how to shoot
He knew how to overcome any obstacle
But his mind was cold and calculated
His eyes always on the prize
Always on wanting more

His mind was always on the next move, he was like a chess player, always ready

He was too busy preparing for the end of the world
While I was always preparing for a way to color it

He was too busy being part of the militia
Too busy making plans, hanging up his suit
Ready for anything