Posted in Writing

Projected Walls

I’m waiting for you to walk away
I’m waiting for the day when you finally tell me the truth
That you never wanted me
Like the way your actions are always showing me

I wanted to break your walls, crawl inside and find a place in your heart
But you always told me it was none of my business
You never wanted me I was just a comfort to you
Someone to run to, to help heal someone elses projections

But I had no one to save me
I had no one to cover for me
I felt so alone
As I stared down at the fire that was surrounding me
No water to put it out

No medic to call when my heart was breaking
No one to turn to when I was unsure because all the role models were cheering for us to fall apart

You’re always going to hit the hardest in my eyes
You’re always going to hurt me the worst
Because my heart has loved you long before you ever loved me
I was meant to be the wall that you were always tearing down when you got hurt
And I stood there like an idiot

Posted in Writing

Staring Past Me

There’s a piece of me that screams
That wants more than sex
That wants that connection
That calls to my soul

You give up too easily
You turn away too quickly
Before you give a girl like me a chance

It kills me that you think that these other girls will ever give you what you’re looking for
You short changed me and turned away from the girl that could have given you the world
Then you bemoan how they can’t do it for you
But you wont step outside of your little thoughts
Going after the girls that are fake

The pressures of being Prince Charming
Are a headache in my world
I’m not that girl that’s going to wait in the tower
I’ve got my own key to unlock my own damn door
So you stand there while your armor gets rusted
I’ve got places to go
People to see
And a warrior to become
I’ll take care of me
And when you pull that head out of your ass
I might or might not be around

Posted in Writing

Her Views

Last night, you were pissed
Didn’t like the words that came out of my mouth
I was suppose to greet you at the door
Like the way your mistress does
Pave a red carpet your way just so you can feel the love
Give you love and affection like a good 1950s gal should

But instead you got slapped
You got yelled at
And you didn’t ever get lucky

While your mistress looks just the part for your wildest dreams
And sits there and soothes your poor emotions
While I’m over here asking you to be a man

If you can’t stand this life
Don’t have your cake and eat it too
If you’re going to go the cowards way
Please leave me out of this fucked up 3 some that you’ve created
Because I can’t take it

I’ve got better fish in the sea then wasting my time on you
So go have your mistress
I’ll pack my bags and get out of your way

Now if you would quit blocking the door….

Posted in Writing

Protecting the Heart

She said :

You expected to find a crying girl on your couch
But excuse me for a moment because this girl isn’t ready for the tears

You sit back with a bag of popcorn ready to watch what I do next

I’m going to have to apologize before I get going because this is going to get ugly

&%$#@

I stupidly fell for the love songs that played
That damn dance from the beginning I thought I could be swept away
The only sweeping that got swept was the by me and that damn broom
I gave myself away on someone that didn’t even see me from the beginning

And here I am on your couch, peeling the band aid off and wanting to scream
No antiseptic is going to cure this any time soon
I’m not going to let a single tear fall for your punk ass
Because you were too busy for me
And then guilt tripped me for even asking a minute of your time

You pulled my strings and left me in a heap
While you lived your best life
So I’m going to sit here and rage and after I’m all done, you’ll be forgotten
Because I won’t be there when you finally open your eyes

*&^%!#:

He said :

While she sat on my couch, raging, screaming
I’m suppose to be his best friend, I’m suppose to defend him
But when he’s messing up the best thing he’s ever had
When he’s losing everything for some girl that’s not even half the woman that is in front of me
No longer do I want to keep the charades up
I don’t want to be the good guy in this love story
I want to be the one that finally gets the girl I’ve always wanted

What kind of guy gives up a woman like that?
How can I thank him for messing up?
But what kind of friend am I, if I make my move now?

So, I sit here and let her rage
Admiring her strength and when she finally quiets down and falls asleep
I watch her like a fallen angel
Hoovering over what he can not have

When morning light hits my living room, there I still am
Protecting her, shielding her
Making sure she makes it through this, with me by her side

Posted in Writing

Safe Place

I’ve been feeling lost
All I want to do is head upstairs and crawl into bed next to you
Do you hear my heart beating for you

I don’t want to go to bed mad tonight
I just want to feel your arms around me

Tonight my piano is my fingers running over these keys
My words are my chords
My harmony is the tapping that won’t stop

My safe place will always be you
My happiness will always be your arms around me

I can’t stand being apart
I can’t stand being angry at you
I feel you every moment
There’s no love without your arms around me

I want to lay next to you and just be
Baby, please just hold me tonight
Let’s let the night wash away everything
Let’s find us again tonight

Posted in Writing

Winning Love

I’m standing in front of you, listening to your confession
I see your eyes holding mine, your tears are falling
But not once did you explain why

There’s a million excuses you could use
But not one reason for me to stay

You say others got it easier
That’s because you built that damn wall between us
And when you hurt me, I put myself back together a different way so you couldn’t hurt me anymore

You rage at me about how unfair it is
But you’re the one that gave yourself the handicap
You pulled into this race with a disadvantage
And now he’s taking over your place
And he’s giving me every reason to stay with him

I don’t want to be a back up
I’m a forever girl
Who just wanted forever with one person
But you’re making it difficult and I wish you could see where we need to go
But instead you’re too busy looking at the past
And you don’t understand that the past is what builds us, the present keeps us going and the future is what we strive for
So get your head back into the present because he’s walking away with your prize

Posted in Writing

Short Reminder

I can’t escape the colors cascading before my eyes
I get catch any sleep because I’m losing everything
The bruises on me won’t disappear
And while the tongues are wagging
Its the insulin that’s coursing through my blood
Its the way that I feel when my blood sugar bottoms

I’ve tried shutting it all off
But it doesn’t work so instead I have to listen to the iv drip
Until I start to feel better
Another day of trying to survive this struggle
Trying to place the right music in my head

Feeling like I’m fading fast
But then again I’m just pulling myself out of this modern world
Disconnect from all the background noise
Just sinking into sleep sounds better than dealing with the polite niceties

I wish people said what they meant and meant what they said

Posted in Writing

Angry Fix

How do I approach you?
How do I say all I want when I’m the worst for you

How do I get your attention?
Do I break the chalkboard?
Do I act like the bad boy you want?

All the good girls want a bad boy, right?
Someone they can fix
Someone they can mend, right?

You never act the way I expect
Everything I’ve tried, you just ignore it
What the hell?

I’m getting so angry
I’m going crazy
What do I do to get under your skin like you’ve gotten under my skin

Please baby, tell me what to do
How do I get your eyes to land on me
Please baby, make me do right by you

I’ve been through hell, baby
I’m nothing what your parents would want for you
I’ve done some shit in my life that would make a nun blush

So please just give me a chance

help me make this right, baby

Posted in Writing

Never Ranked

You pull up with your boys acting like you’re hot stuff
Rolling into my small town like you’re big shit just cause you came over from the big city
Treating us all like we’re backwards trash

Our uneducated kind finally able to be on the same league as you, only because you’re stuck here for the summer so we’re all here to entertain you

I roll my eyes because soon I’ll be out of here, away from the likes of you

I’ve got my future planned out
I’ve got my dreams written down in that old journal
Singing at the top of my lungs from my old pick up truck
I bet you never howled at the moon
Or ran through a corn field
Played tag in the night
Watched a meteor shower
But you think you’re such a badass
When you haven’t experienced anything but what your mommy and daddy have bought for you

I don’t envy your life
I’d rather have my poor world then face the world where you’ll be king

 

Posted in Writing

Lost Words

She’s on my doorstep
Sobbing into my arms
Never realizing that you’re right behind her
Your hands look like they want to reach her
But instead you stand there silently as she leans into me
Sobbing your name over and over

I look at you with disbelief

She’s losing it tonight
She’s trying her hardest not to fall apart

Because of you, you struck a chord in her heart

You left her bleeding on my doorstep tonight

The anguish I’m having to watch and your helplessness breaks my heart
I don’t know who to comfort more

All of this could have been solved moments ago

If you hadn’t left the way you did
If the words you both said would have been dusted away
But instead here she is tears into my heart
Because you both were too stubborn

I thought you both were going to make it
But instead now you’re standing there
The ghost of yourself
She’s here losing it because you’re gone
Because you both were too stupid
And you let your anger take you over and took that car too fast around that curve
And now we’re all here watching her lose it

You, stand there helpless, watching
Leaving this world with all the words you should have said to her