Posted in Writing

R & J Fallen World

Nothing was meant to be 

Whispering all the things I wished I could hear

There were times I wished that you would see me
The girl standing right in front of you
Holding out her hand to you

Holding onto everything
Even though it wasn’t much

The boy whose smile I would have paid a million dollars for

I miss you

I’ve become your angel
Your lips whisper everything that I ever wanted to hear
You speak words that the 16 year old me would have paid to hear
You caress my heart with your simplicity

You came from nothing
I accepted you with all my love

I wasn’t suppose to be yours
You weren’t suppose to be mine
We weren’t meant to be

Lord knows if anyone tells you what to do
You’ll never listen
You go against the grain

You went after me

Never thought it’d be you and me against the dying world
Holding onto each other
While the Montagues and the Capulets screaming obscenities to each other
Fall against the heavens

You look at me and I look at you

The boy I would have a million dollars just to have your smile warm me
Whispering all the things I wished I could hear
Pledging you love to me as the last embers of the sun sets

Us….against the world

Posted in Writing

Strong Doubts

You keep telling me that I’m not good enough
You think by bringing me down
It’ll let you get into my head
Thinking you’re going to tear me down
Like it worked with other girls
You never got it
I’m not like other girls
The more you tear me down
The more I build up against you
The resistance you give me
The can nots you think are going to hold me down
You’re wrong
Every person that ever thought I wouldn’t make it
Every person that doubted me
Struck out with me
Left in the dust

Every drama that ever occured
Every whiney ass bitch that decided to start shit
Got a silencer to her temple

Didn’t you know, I build in silence
I don’t brag to the whole world my offerings
I state what I want
And I stick to it

When are you ever going to understand

Never underestimate me
You hold nothing over me

Posted in Writing

Biting Demons

I’m the treasure hunter for the rich
I’m the one that finds all the gold
The glitter
The shiny

I’m the one that frees the genie from the lamp
Only to sell him to the highest bidder

When you hear the glass breaks
Its just my enemies in the shadow
Coming for my blood again tonight

I’ll sleep when I’m dead
For the time being I’m the one that saves you from the nightmares
I’m the girl that can cast away all the pain from everyone else

….But myself

I’m the girl that holds her heart close to her
Until a demon comes along
He laid claim to my heart
Before I could tame him
He took a bite out of me
Ran away with his laughter trailing behind him

A monster with the light as his soul
He silences the world
Sucks the air from my lungs
With his devilish grin

He’ll be the death of me
He’ll be the one that makes this world go to hell

Posted in Writing

Beyond Our Eyes

Bind me
Free me
Read me

Would you stay for a look
Would you hold me for a life time?

Just once can you see me through all these words?

Can you feel what I feel
What I long to describe to you

Have I reached into your soul?
Touched your heart, perhaps?

Where is your allegiance now?

Where do you go to for some peace?

Are you lost too?

Do you sometimes feel like you’re invisible too?

Like you took some bella donna and now walk among the living

Like you were put here for everyone elses enjoyment

When really you’re just trying to uncover your own life
Not be left as the laughing stock

Not plastered with fake smiles

Just here to wake up the world and show them all of you

For once have you found your way?

Posted in Writing

Mistaken Actions

She said :
You showed up at my work with flowers
The little girl behind you smiled so prettily
You were hoping I’d fall back into your arms
But your gimmicks don’t work on me

He said:
These aren’t gimmicks
I’m laying my heart on the line for you
I can’t have a life without you in it

She said:
You’re never going to learn
You’re going to hurt me again
You’ll make the same mistakes
And make me look like a fool

He said:
I won’t make those mistakes again
Give me ten years
I’ll turn my life around for you, for us
Just let me back in
Baby, I won’t fail you again

Forever isn’t guaranteed
But my love for you will make things right

She looked down at the little girl beside him
Hopeful eyes looked at skeptical ones

She let out a sigh

Actions are louder than words

Posted in Writing

When I was little

Salute another night
Leave an ember burning
As you go serve the Politicians war

Leave me behind again
As your country calls for you

I’m crying at night
As you go and serve your world

Praying that you come back
Praying that everything will be alright when you get back

Your absence is always felt as you march away
You’re always so busy
Saving the world
When there’s someone home waiting for you

My eyes lift past the flag to see your form appear
And my heart beats in relief
As you come marching over with your infantry
As you come and open your arms

There’s never going to be anyone like you in my life
You’re my home

Posted in Writing

Bottled Fighter

Oh Lord here we go again
As she slides into the seat next to me
Calling for whiskey
I know its already going to be a long night
As she starts her drinking
Her eyes looking past all the men at this bar
She’s trying to forget the pain again

She thought everything would work out great
She thought that they would make it till the end
She never once listened to me
Thought she knew it all

Now she’s filling her cup
Damn, the tears are right there at the edge of her eyes
But instead she tips her head back
And swallows the hurt
She plasters a smile on her face
As she orders another round

Letting it all go down shot after shot
She thought that she could handle it all
But going along by yourself
Supporting the whole damn world
Doesn’t work when you’re fighting against the world

Oh no

She’s trying to escape the pain
Trying so hard to deal with it all
She’s trying so hard to fight against all of this
But she was on the losing end of it all

She swings another shot back
Letting her heart fall apart as the liquid drains into her

Her eyes finally lock with mine and she gives me a tipsy smile

Tomorrow she’ll be back to fighting

Posted in Writing

Hit Back

This isn’t writing about losses or even about how hard life is
No, this is about how to prevail
Rise above the rest
Don’t back down
Even when the world hits you
Don’t think its going to stay bad forever

Don’t you dare unpack your bags and stay there
Or all you did was for nothing

Rise your head
Fight back
Rise above what others tell you , you can’t do

Fight with your hand up, your fists clenched
Keep prevailing against the odds

There’s no one there to keep you down but yourself

Let the backstabbers
The Naysayers keep their mouths running

You’ll have angels at your back
Pushing you toward the sun
Cleaning out your closet
Clearing out the blocks that everyone projects on you

Grow stronger, move faster, don’t stop til you get to where you want to be

Let the knife drop
Let the self hatred stop
Only you can raise your own wings
Tip your head back and feel the vibes

Fight, baby, fight!

Posted in Writing

Changing Dawn to Dark

This is his story that he never told

He came home that night
He thought that it would be quiet but then the knock on the door, jolted him
When he threw open the door there she stood on his doorstep
She was a good girl that he should have never let in
Much less into his world or his heart

She always looked at him with eyes
She was suppose to be nothing but a one night stand
He was trying to protect her, from the likes of him
She was everything that he wanted but he was never a good guy
He always played a villain but with her for once he wanted to be superman

She wasn’t something that wasn’t meant to be touched
She was suppose to be revered and loved
Dressed in white, decked in happiness

She wasn’t meant for him, he only touched whores
But she was able to sneak past his defenses that night
She brought him warmth and light to his bleak life
All he could give her was pain and hurt

He sent her home the next day
Regret filled his core
He knew she wasn’t meant for his life

She came back the next night
He had been drinking and he couldn’t help but be drawn to her warmth like a moth to a flame
He didn’t want this to stop and she heard him mumble he’d send her on her way in the morning
He prayed her name like she was a Goddess that night
He kept whispering his love for her but only after he was sure she was asleep
She was his everything, his taste of heaven
But when the morning light hit his windows
He rolled over and began his onslaught, giving her no reason to stay
Pushing her out of the bed
Dragging her clothes off the floor
Throwing them at her face
Her bewildered eyes meeting his rage
She was confused and hurt
And he didn’t stop til the door closed behind her
His back slid down against the wall and he felt the tears fall

He later told me that was the hardest thing he ever had to do
He used me against her as she walked into the same places he started pulling me along to protect him, stop him from going to her. I thought he was an idiot, he agreed but that didn’t stop him from wrapping his arms around me, pretending that we were more – well, him pretending – – me, looking at him as if he had lost his ever loving mind

I wanted to kick him and slap him for putting her through this but you can’t cure the stupid

Posted in Writing

Defective Split

She told you the truth from the get go
But you hurt her
The best thing that ever happened to you
You pushed her away
How do you feel now?

You want her
But now she wants her freedom
You thought that she’d stay around
But you don’t understand how she feels

You don’t ever take a moment to break down your walls to see past yourself
To see the damage you’ve inflicted on her

You took vows that you broke
You stood there and made her heart ache
You made everything to be your way
But where did you leave the broken girl that you hurt

You thought you’d never find love
But when it was knocking on your door
You stupidly held onto your foolhardy pride
And thought that you were doing right by her

You’ve done nothing but caused her pain

When are you going to stop hurting her
When are you going to finally be the man that you promised her
Or finally just come out and tell her the truth
And say what you mean?

Because you’re losing her, boy
And you’re going to regret this if you keep this charade going
Because she knows everything.