Posted in Writing

Accelerated Life

He’s strumming his guitar again
Can’t get the chords right tonight
Frustration mars his features
He’s feeling the crowd
Letting loose but there’s a demon behind the scenes
Making his music a little more raw
A little more heartfelt
But the heart is screaming angrily alongside the banging of the drums

Another night of not remembering
Another nameless girl to warm his bed
Another day being pulled and pushed
Show up here, flash a smile, charm the people
Go back into the vehicle with tinted windows
Then let it all drop

You’d think he was a celebrity but he can be you or me
Having to fake for the fans
For the masses
Having to pull out the charm just to make it through another day

Testifying that life is suppose to be a rat race
Success, success, success
Watching your every move
Waiting for you to fail or succeed
No one has time to raise you up

You’re on your own

Posted in Writing

Each boy has that one girl he will never lose feelings for – I’m that girl for him

Lately I’ve heard you talking about me
Pointing out how I say things
Complimenting me
Seeing the woman I’ve become

I see you staring at me
You’re now more aware of where I am
You move, I move

You keep telling me how good I am for you
How you don’t want to be in a world without me

You’ve been reaching for my hand more
I try not to react but in truth, it means the world to me
To be by your side, not having to chase you to catch up
Or feel like you’re behind me
I like being your equal
For once I feel like the woman I am suppose to be

You’ve been trying harder and I’m loving it
I could fall in love with you
We can go from being just friends

There was a time when you turned back on everything
Because it was too hard to let someone in
You felt like this life, you were leading, was meant to be alone
But you were wrong

You can’t do this life alone
I won’t let you

Everyone needs someone, to cheer them on
Build a home with, even if we’re just renting
Dream with, even shield the nightmares

Give you more hope than you can handle
Be your bright side even when it’s dark
Stand beside you and never give up

Posted in Writing

Prevailing Love

Being in love with her isn’t easy
Trying so hard to be the man that she needs to me to be
Sometimes I could swear she hates me
Sometimes its hard to conquer this world
When all the odds have been stacked against me since the day I was born

My dad wasn’t there to help me be the man that was needed
No one to teach me what to do
So when she came into my life
I felt like it was going to be easy
Just fall in love with her
But its never easy with her

Her stubborn nature, the way she’d push my buttons
There was always something that triggered her and I
The fights were crazy as hell
We were against each other while trying to save our relationship from all the busy bodies that had an opinion

It was like trying to fend off an army of know it alls
But we survived and to this day she still doesn’t know how much I love her
She doesn’t know what I would sacrifice to be just with her

There are days when I’m still proving to her all that I can be
I would take a bullet for her
She makes my life worth living

Posted in Writing

Combatant Transcript

Sent on another mission
Doing what needs to be
Cleansing this world of sin
Trying to get rid of the embarrassed
The shameful
Erase the hideous ways of others

Don’t stop, keep marching solilder
Do what needs to be done
Be what everyone else needs
Sacrifice yourself for what?

What are you fighting for anymore?

Battling against the elements
The war had started a long time ago within you
Battering ram slamming against your skull
Bringing up all the dirty looks, the disappointment you brought to others

Arm yourself, battle this day in, day out
Keep it all hidden from the world
All the demons are striking down
Leaving you cold in the morning’s light
Not even that dreamcatcher, hanging over your bed
Can’t stop the bombardment

Until her hand reaches yours
The bombs go away
The chill in the air disappears
You’re back to yourself
Because she’s grounding you

Take a deep breath, baby

Posted in Writing

Ethnologically Revised

I use to wish you could read my mind
Know when the dark would scare me
Your warm hand would cover my small one
I felt safe and the world was ok again

When my nervous ticks come out
You grab my hand and make it all still

There are some days when I’m a Warrior
Ready for battle, to face a new day

There are more days when my anxiety makes me just want to stay home and hide
Don’t want to venture out into this big world because its so unfamiliar

It takes all the guts I have to make it through the day

Even though I want to curl into myself
I don’t want to talk to strangers
I don’t want to stand there and interact

I’m happier with my head in a video game

So my words don’t stumble or my no filter won’t offend the snowflakes that are multiplying in this world

I’m not made for the Politically Correct
I’m not made for the faint hearted
I’m not okay
I’m not going to coddle you

If you ask me my opinion or want a honest answer then you’re going to get it
I’ll give you one way out, one time with me
No second chances, no more games

I’ve said it before I pieced myself differently this time
So no one can hurt me like before

And if you wonder where that sweet girl went to
Take a good hard look in the mirror and see the reasons why

The trusts aren’t so easily placed anymore
The coming after you don’t happen anymore

Once you tell me where I stand with you
Once you show you don’t want me anymore
That’s it for me
I’m not coming back for more abuse
Or to make you feel better

I’ve got people in my “Tribe”
That I’d rather build up

And if you ever think about coming back around
Just so you know, it’ll never go back to the way it was
Because I’m not the same person and you’re asking too much
I don’t look back anymore

Posted in Writing

Unyielded Words

If I had to write my own bio
Where would I start
What could I say to show you  more than a chapter
Everything that I’ve done is because I wanted to grow wise

I didn’t want to be like everyone else
I didn’t want to follow everyone else
Be stuck in a shadow
Held down by conformity

The words spinning in my head
Always wanted to be heard
But I couldn’t bring my shy face to the spotlight
I always doubted myself because my shine couldn’t come through

Be this, wish you were that, such a disappointment

Be a people pleaser
Do what everyone else wants

Lost my voice in the crowd
Until I opened it all up

Lifted my eyes to the sky
Finally took a step into the digital word
I started to feel the creativity unleashed
Finally I feel like I can write
I finally found the words that I always tampered down
Trying to be everything that everyone else wanted

But now….

Now I’m older and I’m finally comfortable in my own skin
I know who I want to be
I know where I belong

so if I have to write my bio
I was a girl who was told to fit in a certain mold
Be perfect, be a lady, be what we wanted

But I couldn’t sit there and be what everyone else wanted
So instead I started to spin until I found myself in the vortex of me
I opened my eyes and found a woman that could take on the world
Be the love of someone and speak my mind without fear of being put back into a box

So hello world

This is Bobbie’s Musings 😉 Nice to meet you

Posted in Writing

Hearing Amnesty

Maybe its weakness tonight
When I let the words, “I forgive you.” let slip
You tried to manipulate me again
But I wanted to clear the wounds
Find out what you were really apologizing for?

All the times you made me feel ugly, worthless
All the times you wished that I had been born a boy
That I was never going to be good enough for you
That I was a disappointment from my first cries

You want me to forgive and forget
I’ve stopped calling, stopped trying so hard for you both
I’m not going to make anyone be a part of my life
I’m thankful for the little family that I do have

Pulling, Cats in the Cradle, done trying to vye for anyones attention

So I forgive you not because you told me it would benefit me in God’s eyes
No I did it because I don’t want to hate or hold a grudge
I did it for the little girl I use to be that only wanted to be loved
Not used as a pawn in between two people who were just trying to find their nitch with each other

This is my therapy, this is my coping
So I never project all the wrongs on others
Doing the complete opposite from what I saw

So, yes I forgive you both
I don’t need your apologies though they are nice to hear
I don’t expect much so I don’t get disappointed

I forgive you because I love you.

Posted in Writing

Nightmares Dust

The door slams shut
Another fight breaks out
She’s under her bed again
Wishing for it all to go away

Being dragged into the middle of it
Feeling like she’s in a war zone again

The little girl she was keeps wishing she’d wake up

I do, I rise and I take a few steps away from the loving arms that surround me
To peer in and check on the sleeping
Hoping that they’re dreaming of sweet things and not the nightmare that I just encountered

I sigh in relief, hoping they’ll never go through what I did
I hope they never know how it feels to be in a war zone

I turn around only to bump into a solid chest and those warm arms surround me
I feel like the sun melted the cold from me
And I know I’m safe

Posted in Writing

Extended Articulation

1am

There he sat on his phone, reading all the words
His heart synced with hers
Everything she wrote he felt
Everything that she said rang true to him
It was like a song that was made just for him

2am
She’s posting another lost entry
Something that cuts too close to home
The bottle of whiskey is sitting on her desk looking at her
Begging for a run through her system
She’s feeling alone tonight
Waiting for someone to hear her

3am
He walking around past the midnight hour
Feeling alone, looking for the love that she posts about
Feeling like she’s calling his name
Her words are all about him
They sweep into his soul

4am
Another post, just to calm the loneliness
Its like a drug, better than alcohol
It keeps the demons at bay
And she’s not stuck in her own head
Letting the world in to view her soul
To feel what she’s feeling
Makes the ache lessen a little bit
As she taps away at the keyboard

5am
There are her words right in front of him
Saying again what he needed to read
Wrapping around him and making his heart beat
Knowing that there’s another soul in this world
That’s feeling the same way he does
But has the courage to put it into words
Before he goes to work
He quickly takes time to himself
Just a whisper of her words makes his day better
Just a beacon of hope to help him make it through the day
She doesn’t know what she does to him
But she’s there for him, her words comfort him

6am (his time, 8am her time)
“Did you read it?”
“Yes, I’ll be home soon.”
A squeal can be heard then laughter tumbles over the phone to him
A smile spreads across his face as he hangs up

Posted in Writing

Fraudulent Venom

People think her life is a fairy tale
She’s so rich she doesn’t know where to put all this money at
She’s so entitled she’s  got instagram following her
She’s everything that you would envy

But really she’s the stuff of nightmares
Nothing you see is true
Its all a tabloid worth
Faking it for the world to see
Facebook worthy

As soon as a word leaves her mouth
Your IQ drops
Her face is as fake as the silicones she carries
The saccharine that she shares with the world falls as soon as the camera shuts down
She’s so bitter that her aura is like a lemon that not even demons would touch

She’s so miserable that her lies that she leaves on facebook can be seen through
She’s let the world think one thing but those that are close to her know better
Empty promises never leave a foul taste in her mouth

No matter what, you’ll never see a thing out of place on her
Bless her heart, hope her two faced ways keep her warm at night
Because everyone is doing onto her what she does onto others

Lesson : Too many to count with that one