His side :: Confusion

She came into the common room and I thought my heart would explode.

What the hell…….

Where was my best friend? Where did she go? And who was this creature in front of me? For days I’ve been confused, why the change? Is there a guy? What the hell?

She was suppose to be my bud, my wing girl and now she was changing and I didn’t like it.  Yeah, my dad warned me that things would change once we got to college but I didn’t think this much.

Now there’s some guy making her change!  She was fine as she was, she was perfect.  Who the hell would make her change?

This girl, made my days brighter, man, she’d make me want to sprout poetry and study William Shakespeare just to get a glimpse of that smile of hers.  To say something stupid and get that smirk going.

She was nothing like Emily, who was all about pedicures, manicures, and all that other stuff.

What the hell is going on?

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One Night Superman

You don’t remember me, that’s ok
I saved your life and I was in disguise

I’ll be your superman, baby

The lights shined brighter because I was able to do a good deed

You weren’t suppose to remember, baby

The alcohol flowed through you
You were crying out her name
I helped you through it all
I thought you were going to die on me that night
But I brought you back from the edge

I held you close
The lights shined brighter because you were there, in my arms

I’m glad you didn’t remember

The words I whispered against your skin
I don’t think I could stand having them running through your head as you stare at me

I like this stranger that I’m meeting.

So I’ll put out my hand and smile sweetly up at you
Knowing that I saved your life
Knowing that you’re not going to remember is bittersweet
I wouldn’t trade that moment

I’m glad I got to meet you.

Wanting

So how do you transition from one of the guys to something more?

Looking in the mirror every day I know there’s nothing wrong with my looks and my mind is pretty awesome.

But its hard to be seen in the sea of faces, its hard to be pulled from a crowd when his eyes are set on a girl that doesn’t appreciate him and he takes the girl right in front of him completely for granted.

I can’t be like Ariel from the Little Mermaid because I don’t have Sebastian or a loud mouth seagull.

So, it begins with the little things.

&&&&&

Living together with a bunch of guys made it easier than ever before.

At first it was in the middle of the night grabbing a glass of milk and being caught in a huge sweatshirt.

Then it was running/walking out of the shower in just a towel.  That was the funny one, I heard a few cereal bowls drop – of course it helped that it was a lan party and they were all too busy to answer the door so the only girl in the house that wasn’t expecting a package had to run to the door before the FedEx guy just left with said package.  Thanks mom and dad.

Then it was changing the schedule and not having time to game with the boys and getting aww’d at because I was having a girls night.  A very needed girls night, which meant being tortured by Patience and Zoe.  The heels were a loud, resounding “no.”

Walking out into the common room that night made the butterflies settle as his eyes settled on me.

 

Phantasm Haunting

Why do you keep haunting my dreams

What do you want from  me

Leave me alone

Does that mean that you’re awake thinking of me

I hate every moment that you enter my dream

Its like you’re a psychic vampire and I can’t escape you

You’re trying to ruin all the good things I have going but trying to tempt me to the other side your face haunts my waking days and I hate every moment of it

I let you go a long time ago but why are you back

I hate the fact that my mind turns to you

I forgave myself for what I did

So please just go away from me

Damn I broke another dish today
It’s like you’re haunting my days
And I see your face
You act like I’m the one that killed you

The day you died, a part of me died too
But I can’t stop my life because you’re gone
I can’t just drop to the floor and let the tears sweep me away to your grave

You gave up on this life

I know it gets hard
I know sometimes you just don’t want to go on
But you don’t give up

Funerals are for the living
Didn’t you know?

When you decided to leave this life
You left all of us to mourn for you
You can leave a letter but that doesn’t take away the pain that you left behind
You chose to give up
You think you’re the only one who has it rough?

I’m over here screaming like a mad woman at your grave
Trying not to feel everything
But you left a gaping hole in my heart

You. Left. Me.

 

It all begins with a Girl (boy pov)

There’s this girl
I’ve known her for, well forever
She’s the type that gets up in the morning and is a zombie until she has her coffee
She’s got this look about her
When she walks into a room
The whole place lights up

When she leaves you, its like the nothingness from Neverending Story
But its hitting you in the chest

She’s the girl that’s gonna make you want to settle down
Bring her home to mama

Brings your dreams of happiness
She’s stolen my heart and I didn’t even realize it until it was too late

She’s the one that makes me laugh
Gives me a reason to smile
When she cries I would become Superman for her

She’s the one that I won’t let get away
She’s the girl that makes me want to say I do
She’s the girl that makes this life worth living
The struggles I go through, I would go through hell just for her

She’s the one that I would fall to my knees and give my religion to her

Because she saved my life
She gave me the chance to be who I am
And when you find that girl
You never want to let go
And when you do let her go
Your world….

Goes Black

Player 1 vs

Hand me a beer
I’ve had another rough day

You’re wanting these games to go on
I’m not that kind of girl

Coy glances, missing phone calls
I don’t know how to do that

Tell me straight up
Don’t hide behind do you want me or not

You show up in the places where I’m at
Is it because you can’t have me?

You always think you’ve got me going
But I’m not that kind of girl

I can’t flirt, I don’t lie and I can’t say all the things you always want to hear

Keep your games
I don’t have time for that

If I want to play games I’ll turn on Nintendo
Meet up with Super Mario and watch a man save another princess

This Queen doesn’t have time for your games

 

Searching

Let the music strum in my ear
Let me shut out all the pain and the anger
Just for one night
Let me find some peace away from all your games

Give me a moment

Bow my head down
Let the pretense fade
Show only the tears that hide behind rose colored glasses
Let the wind take away my pain
Let misery’s hands enclose my heart
She’s trying to make me fall to my knees before her

I. Can’t. Let. Her. Win

Surround me in silence
Let the pretense fall away
Don’t shut me out
Let me be me
If only with you

Cry

Boys are taught to be strong
I’m so sick of that

Never show your emotions
Why not? I ask

Do you know what hell some guys go through?
Do you know how much shit they take?
How tough they have to be?

They need someone to run to
They need someone to break down in front of too

Trying to deal with everything
Trying to be a man in this world where its so harsh
Isn’t fair

Sometimes, all we want is a stone standing there
But they can’t be that way all the time

So, come here baby
Let me hold you
You can cry in front of me I won’t think less of you

Everyone has a breaking point
Everyone needs a shoulder to cry on

I’ll brush away your tears
And I won’t tell a soul that you broke down

It’s alright to cry
I’ve got your back

Longing

I’m suppose to be your best friend, I’m suppose to be there for you.  But when I see you with your head bent, tears falling down your face.  My longing grows even more.

I’m just one of the guys to you.  The girl that you wrestle with and never noticing the curves that grace this figure.  How often did I hold you through the night only to have you running back to her.  What did she have that I didn’t?  But that’s a stupid question to begin with.

The baggy jeans, the big sweatshirt (usually yours) hiding away all my curves.
The glasses, the geeky gamer that I am, I can talk all day to you about guns, games, systems, computers but I can’t be a girl like her.

Short skirts, pedicured nails, high maintenced….

When will the words come out of my mouth, when will this longing turn to something more.

I’d pay for you to look my way.  I’d pay for you to see me under these baggy clothes.

But then something changes……

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