Posted in Writing

Ungraceful Lateness

She skids across the tile
Trying to get a hold on her chaotic life
Lateness is what she’s known for
Time is a constant annoyance
Even with a watch on her wrist
She never gets anywhere on time

He’s standing there tapping his foot
As he waits for her arrival

She’s a simple girl
With short hair
Low maintence

Still, somehow she’s always running late
She’d be late to her own funeral
Knowing her ways

He sighs, taps the side of his temple in annoyance
From day 1
She’s been late

She rushes through the crowd, her bag bouncing against her thigh
Her glasses crooked

Rounding the corner, he sees her
A smile spreads across his face

No matter which direction she comes from
He knows where she’s at

His heart starts to beat faster
As he watches her stumble
Never graceful
But regardless, she’s his and he’s hers
As she falls into his arms
He chuckles and leans in for a kiss, his annoyance forgotten

Posted in Writing

Metal Love

The bones rattle
The doors fling open
He wasn’t ready for this fight
He didn’t think he’d piss her off this much

The weather is doing her bidding
She’d rather have a rainy day
The thunder and lightening fits her mood
Her rosemary that’s planted by the garden
Moves with the wind

Her eyes turn gray
As the emotions churn within her

She feels everything
Including the stabbing metal in her back
The only thing he left behind in her

Left her a beautiful mess in her own garden
Empty promises as he ran as fast as he could

His mind going a million miles per minute
Never knowing what to do with a woman like her
His fear overruled his heart
He didn’t think he pissed her off this much

But this is what he gets when a woman falls in love
This is what he gets when he breaks her heart
Failed promises of love

Her eyes turn gray
The stabbing metal pulled slowly from her back

She’s ready for this fight

Posted in Writing

Autistic Light

All these limits and margins
I see her starting to explode
I see her losing her shit
She can’t handle this world
Because this world wasn’t made for someone like her
She doesn’t want the fame
She doesn’t want to be like the rest of them
She’s marching to her own drum
She’s finding her way out of the box
She never could fit in a cube
She was made to think outside of the box
She connects the pictures in a different way
Her brain works on the AM station
Never tried the FM station

She makes her own music
Dances to her own beat

She loses her shit when someone tries to put her in a box

She’s not made to be tamed
She doesn’t go the way everyone else wants her to go

She’s not here to make you happy
She doesn’t speak your language
She speaks her own
She’s not stupid
She’s more than you give her credit for

She’s the light when the world sets
She doesn’t even have to try to find her own way
She’ll tell you what she thinks without words
She’ll shake your carefully built tower
Walk away like she meant to do that

So don’t step in her way
She’ll dance around you
She’ll find her own way
With her own made up chords

Posted in Writing

Awareness

Mental hatred is a hard one to swallow
It starts within yourself
It means you’re not normal
It means that you’re not going to fit in
A misfit
A loser

No one has the right words to say to someone that’s got voices in their head
That get up to battle their demons
Anyone who comes out different
Is something of a shock
Not this funny
Taboo is mental illness
If they don’t look at it
They don’t have to see it
If it doesn’t get talked about
It won’t happen to them

Talking down
Makes everything better

If there’s something wrong with someone else
Let’s find something wrong with another person

Just to make ourselves feel better

Sorry for being a misfit
Sorry for being a loser

Sorry for not fitting in your perfect little world

Posted in Writing

Mixed Silence

Broken dolls on the floor
Tears still soak the floor
Scratches left on the walls
She tried so hard to escape that prison

She was to never make a sound
She was backed against the wall
The creature dropping saliva on her neck

She had no where safe to go
Her tears mixed with her blood
She curled into a ball
The bugs crawling all over her
No one heard her cries
No shining armors penetrated the darkness
No one was there to protect her

She felt the chills
The pain struck her
All denied the truth
All spoke for her

No one would believe her
Or maybe she didn’t go to the right people
Maybe her pleas fell on deaf ears only because they didn’t love her to begin with

She shakes her head
She can’t sink back into the bottom
She lives for the light
She strives to stay in it

When the darkness comes
Unlike other kids
She has no security blanket
No way to stand against it
The four walls starts shrinking
Her hand blindly reaches for the door
There’s no cure for years of torture
No way out

When the clouds come or the sun shines
She stands, breathes in the freedom
Slowly she’s getting better
Slowly she’s finding the doors are no longer locked
She no longer has to hide under the bed
She’s letting go
Fighting her to the light

Posted in Writing

Ripped Bullshit

There are days when this gets to be too much
I turn around and you’re there
I throw my head back and laugh my ass off
You make me smile
You showed me this world could be so much more

When they were all against us
You were my hope

The haters are still all around us
Still pushing us apart
We’ve been through this
We know our way
Moving around the bullshit

No more tears
No more doubts
We’ve gone through so much

We’ve got the barriers raised
We know what we’re doing
We’re no strangers to this

There are days when it gets to be too much for you
You’re breaking down
But it’s ok baby, I’ve got your heart
I’ll help pick you up

Strong, loyal and true
That’s you and me

The naysayers can keep going at us til they’re blue in the face
The pot stirrers can come at us

They made their choices and we made ours

The barriers are up
The shit stops now

Posted in Writing

Damaged Glaze

No questions were asked
Everything went back to normal
Never expected much

Others look at me with shock
No emotion flits across my face

I meet the unemotional with silence
What more can I do

No point in screaming or crying
I’m not a child, I can’t get away with that
Not to mention too many times in my life

I was told I was too dramatic
I needed to grow up
There was no need for that

So I’ve learned not to react
I’ve been shut down
Put down
Pulled down

I’d rather meet your glazes with a cold stare
Than give you a part of me that you can rip apart again

I am no longer weak nor will be lead
I don’t wait for the chance
I just don’t care

The damage has been done
There’s no going back to what was
Nothing will ever be the same

Really, That’s ok

Posted in Writing

Spent Days

Searching for the right reasons
Stumbling from bar to bar
Thinking that you’ll find the red string
It’ll draw them out to you
You’ll finally find your fate

Searching for the righteous in all you do
Hoping that you’re on the right path
Tired of being broken
Getting lost is where you’re constantly at

Daylight hits and its back to the routine
Coming home to an empty house tears your heart

Holidays are the loneliest
Nights are the loudest
Praying for sleep to come sooner
Tears turn to dust
The Mr Right nows aren’t doing you any good anymore
The Mrs. Right nows are so vapid, they’re only good for a good lay
Then you move on

Searching for something that is missing from your soul
Tired of the scars
The back scratches fade after a few weeks
No one there at the door to greet you

Sorrow is what you find night after night
Lies etched in your mirror as you face yourself

Pretend its ok
Daylight hits and its back to your routine

Posted in Writing

A Pick Me Up

The night that I was swallowed by my greed
I reached blindly out to you
You turned your back and walked away
I felt the coldness more so that night than ever before

I thought I would never dig myself out of that situation

My heart bled that night
I was your disappointment
You tore a hole in me
I was a bane to your existence
I was stopping you
When I asked you to stay

I was nothing more than a wish
A failed status

I turned inward
Hatred ruled me
The monster came out
I wanted to blame the world
Blame everyone else around me

My body fell against the tile
My eyes gazed over
My heart bleeding on the cold floor

I pulled myself together
I swore I would succeed
I changed that night
Put my heart back
Ripped the band aid off

I chose to rise from nothing
Not let your words destroy me

We have no help
We have no one to run to
If we fail we only have each other

Can’t blame a world that’s there to teach hard lessons
Can’t blame you for being who you are

Posted in Writing

Struggling Excuses

The clock strucks 2am
My mind is racing

The scene replaying through my head like a crime scene
But there’s no tape to block me from seeing it all from the front seat

Your arms reach around her
You dip your head
Then your eyes see mine
Just a hint of a smirk
My nightmare becomes a daymare

No one needs to be hurt like that

The clock strucks 3am
He’s lying in bed
Knowing he killed the only good in his life
He wanted to kill it before it killed him
She wouldn’t listen to his excuses
He knew he did wrong as soon as he mouth covered hers
He smirked because he knew he deserved to meet her eyes
Showing her he wasn’t right for her

The good man she always thought he was
He tried so hard for her
He wanted to bring all her dreams
But he knew she put her trust and belief in him
He was going to fail her sooner or later

The clock strucks 4am
A knock disturbs him
He throws open the door
Only to find a drunken heartbroken girl on his doorstep
She shoves past him
His look of shock doesn’t even register to her

She drops her clothes on the floor
He shakes himself and spurs into action
Wrapping her in a blanket
His heart thudding in his chest
She deserves better is all he whispers in his head

She tries to shove him while trying to kiss him
He finally gets her settled and chuckles to himself
She’s mumbling to herself
When he turns back around she’s passed out
He strokes her cheek for a moment
Sighs to himself and guards her til morning light